The Marauders in All Their Insane Glory
by Kiwi Gnome
Summary: It's seventh year for MWPP. And Lily. Features the marauders and all of their twisted, humorous, and of course failed plots. Enjoy!
1. September 1st

Hello everyone!!! I've decided that I wanted to start my other story from earlier, like the beginning of the year. So I am... and when I get to the part my other story is at, I will combine them together so they make one SUPER story. Marauder Era Harry Potter FanFiction Stories Force, Away!!!  
  
Wow, before I go completely off my rocker (or at least enough more that I can't write), I'll type up the first chapter of my "new" story.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"James? James Potter!!!" Hundreds... no THOUSANDS of screaming girls surrounded him (They all had red hair and green eyes), asking for his autograph and screaming his name. He was in his Quidditch uniform, and he had scored all of the goals for the Chudly Channons. He didn't know why, but he had a throbbing headache, as if he was still getting hit with bludgers. "James!!! Prongs!!!" Wait a second... how did they know his nickname from Hogwarts? What was going on?  
  
WHAM!  
  
"PRONGS YOU IDIOT! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE TRAIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" James Potter's best friend, Sirius Black, stood over him holding a half empty pillow over his head. Feathers floated delicately around them. "I've been hitting you with this thing for half and hour! I was about to move on to a broomstick... Bloody hell you're hard to wake up."  
  
The groggy James Potter rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses. "Watimsit?" he asked sleepily.  
  
"Time you got up, we're supposed to be at the train in about forty- five minutes."  
  
"Oh, that's good, I've got time" he rolled over, pulled the pillow from Sirius' hands and proceeded to cover his head with it.  
  
"Uh oh Prongs, your mom wants you."  
  
James sat up, put on his glasses and scrambled out of bed. He got to the door and slammed it shut. "Sirius! Toss me some clothes quickly." A pile of clothing was sent sailing through the door. Quickly pulling on his clothes and trying to brush his teeth at the same time (which failed), he listened for his mom.  
  
"Hello Mrs. Potter, you're looking lovely today."  
  
"Um Hmmm, where's James?" He could hear the skepticism in her voice. Living with two insane teenagers for the past two summers had taught her a few things.  
  
"You know, it's the funniest story, you see James went downstairs and he couldn't find his broom, and so he went outside. After wrestling with two deranged owls from the Ministry of Magic who had been trying to steal it, he came back inside, only to find that two of the gnomes from the backyard had gotten into his trunk and taken out all of the things he had so carefully packed last night... you know how they are. So after throwing them out the window, he was going to pack, but it turned out that he couldn't because all my adoring fans had stolen his clothing thinking it was mine --I don't know how they got confused, what with his horrid fashion sense and all-- so I heroically rescued it from them. After profusely thanking me he went into the bathroom and decided to brush his teeth. Uh... he wasn't just asleep if that's what you're thinking."  
  
"James! Come out of there now! Have you packed yet?"  
  
Prongs peaked out of the bathroom. "Maybe?"  
  
"You can't just leave things until the last minute! Hear, I'll help you, but next time you've got to do this the night before." She waved her wand, and James' things flew neatly into the open trunk.  
  
"But this is the last time I'm going to Hogwarts mum. I guess this is the last time I'll need it anyway," he grinned.  
  
"You mean you won't need my help when you go to the auror academy? It's so beautiful! My only son... he's growing up so quickly!"  
  
"You mean you're not going to pack our little Prongsies bag next year? That's low Mrs. Potter. You can pack mine if you want though." Sirius grinned at James, who threw a bar of soap that had been in his hand at him.  
  
Mrs. Potter stopped it with her wand. "James, you should have used that soap, woken up earlier and taken a shower."  
  
"Mum, I've been up for ages, there was just this thing with some Ministry of Magic owls..." he looked a Padfoot and smirked.  
  
"Whatever, you smell though. Scorgify!" Bubbles suddenly appeared on him. "We have to leave now, get your trunks you hooligans. We'll take floo powder over to the Vance's house, they're only a few blocks from the station."  
  
As James pulled his trunk over to the fire place, Sirius took a whiff. "Mm James, you smell like flowers."  
  
He was promptly pelted with a vase.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lily Evans' alarm clock rang at exactly 9:30. "Mmph." She stretched out, looked at the ceiling for a few minutes, then suddenly remembered. "Oh my god! I have NEWTS this year!" Jumping out of bed, she pulled on the clothes she had set out the night before and ran downstairs. She walked up to the refrigerator and pulled out some eggs and bacon.  
  
"MOM! DAD! WE HAVE TO LEAVE SOON!" She called up the stairs. Seating herself, she pulled the plate she had fixed for herself in front over her.  
  
"Lily!" came a screech. Lily visibly cringed in her chair, a bite of omelette halfway in her mouth. "Just because you have to go the your freak school doesn't mean you have to wake me up too. It's not like I wanted to say goodbye or anything."  
  
Lily sighed. "I'm sorry Petunia. I'll be quieter." She tried to live with her sister, but that being a near impossible task, she usually just avoided her.  
  
Lily wolfed down the rest of her breakfast and hurried upstairs to take a shower. After she put on the rest of her clothes she called out to her father. "Hey Dad! Can you bring my trunk downstairs?"  
  
Mr. Evans, who had the same hair color as Lily, though with a bald spot, entered the room. "Sure honey, I'll just put this in the trunk and we'll go." He dragged the trunk (Which Lily had packed a week in advance) to the car, stowed it in the trunk and went to the front seat. Lily joined him on the passenger side, and together they drove to the station.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey Lil's!" Called her best friend Bella. "What's new?"  
  
"BELLA!" Lily squealed. "Nothing special... I thought I was going to be late!"  
  
"You're here a half hour early, I think you're fine. Are the rumors true about you being Head Girl?"  
  
"Oh my gosh! Yes, I completely forgot!" She began to fish around in her pre-packed trunk for her badge. Triumphantly she held it up. "My parents were so proud."  
  
"Well it's a good thing you came early, you're supposed to be in the Head compartment in about ten minutes. Who's Head Boy?"  
  
"No idea... I know who I hope it isn't."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, we all know how much you would LOVE to have James as your partner for a whole year," Bella chuckled at the ridiculousness of the statement. "Anyway, you'd better go. Don't you have an early-bird reputation to keep?"  
  
"Yeah, you're right, I'd better go," Lily replied, glancing at her watch.  
  
"I was being sarcastic, you do know that, right?"  
  
"Mm hmm, yeah," said Lily absently as she hurried to the back of the train.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
About three minutes before the train was set to pull away towards Hogwarts, Sirius and James jumped through the door, their trunks hovering behind them.  
  
"If you hadn't taken so long to be awake..."  
  
"Well if you hadn't been making snide comments all morning..."  
  
"Oops, sorry!" They said in unison. They had just slammed into an unseen figure.  
  
"Oh, hi guys, I thought you weren't gonna be on time," the voice came from a small, roundish boy, who was nervously twisting his hands.  
  
"Hey Wormtail!" said James. Then he spotted something that made him suddenly scowl and tense up. "Were they bothering you?" he asked, indicating towards a group of Slytherins standing in the compartment behind Peter with his wand, which he had pulled from his pocket at the first scent of bad house relations.  
  
"Them?" asked Peter skittishly. "No, no... it's ok, let's go, ok?"  
  
"Anything to get away from those guys... what are you doing with them anyway?" asked Sirius suspiciously.  
  
"Uh, nothing, let's go talk to Lupin... he's right over there, we should go there shouldn't we?"  
  
The three friends went into the next compartment and seated themselves next to their werewolf friend.  
  
"Moony! How was your summer?"  
  
But Remus was ignoring James, looking over to the doorway to their compartment. He grinned, and nudged Padfoot, who looked too, and nudged Peter. Peter seemed confused until Sirius poked him sharply in the side. Peter then poked James. James looked over to the doorway with them.  
  
A flustered looking Lily was looking around their compartment as if looking for something.  
  
"Hey Evans, I'm right here doll, you can stop looking for your dream guy now," said James smugly.  
  
"Oh please Potter, you wish. I'm looking for the Head Boy. You don't know who is, do you?"  
  
"Isn't Diggory, that Hufflepuff guy Head Boy?" asked Peter.  
  
"Yeah, I think so," said Remus.  
  
Lily smiled appreciatively at them. "Thanks you guys. I've got to find him, we need to tell the prefects what to do."  
  
Seeing her smile, James mentally threw a bludger at himself for not saying anything. "Hey Moony, why weren't you Head Boy?" he asked, trying to take him mind off Lily.  
  
"Dumbledore said I would have... but umm... you know, it's kinda hard to be Head Boy if I'm 'sick' once a month."  
  
"Oh... I'm really sorry," said James downcastedly.  
  
"It's nothing really," said Remus, inclining his head slightly.  
  
"Diggory's pretty lucky, getting to spend the whole year with Lily, eh James?" said Sirius, trying to brighten the situation.  
  
"Yeah, it's too bad that James isn't Head Boy, and Amos, is huh guys?"  
  
"Peter, you're brilliant!" said Sirius grinning. Remus shook his head. When Sirius grinned like that, it all but said "RUN FOR THE HILLS IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES YOU FOOLS!"  
  
"I am?" Wormtail asked happily.  
  
"Marauders, we need a plan."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yup, that's all you get for now. Hope you like it, and PLEASE review, I'm hoping for five reviews on this chapter. It's the holiday season, make my wish come true? =D Until next time...  
  
~The Barmy Brigand signs off 


	2. You won't like Lily when she's ANGRY

Wow, I'm so happy! I've already gotten five reviews!! Joy and happiness! So I decided that I love you guys so much, I'd write the second chapter right here and now. Oh, and Happy (belated) Birthday to Alexis-Lee (yesterday).  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Padfoot, you're getting that psycho glint in your eye again, and you know that that scares me... a lot," James and his friends were slowly inching away from the maniac in front of them.  
  
"Come on guys! This idea's gonna work! I promise!"  
  
"Like I haven't heard that a million times," said Lupin. "And I recall that those some of the worst million memories I have."  
  
"Fine, you make up a plan then Moony."  
  
"I'll think about it. Happy?"  
  
"Yes, very," Sirius smiled. This was going to be the best year by a long shot.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"There you are!" Lily called angrily down the compartment. "I've been looking everywhere for you, but apparently Amos Diggory is too high and mighty to come and help with the Head duties!"  
  
Diggory looked up from his crowd of female fans. "Oh, hello Lily. I thought that you'd be head girl."  
  
"Yes! I am! Now will you please help me with the prefects?"  
  
"Sure, just one moment..."  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Sorry Lily," he meekly shuffled out behind her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
With Sirius and James' help, Lupin wrestled his trunk from the rack in the train that it had been on.  
  
"God Moony, what the hell do you keep in this thing?" asked Sirius, panting and sweating profusely.  
  
Lupin proceeded to unlock it. "Books," he said simply, flipping back the top of his trunk and revealing to them that the better part of his trunk was filled with all kinds of books; spell books, journals, and even some muggle novels.  
  
"Wow," said Sirius, with wide eyes. "Hey!" he said, spotting a particular title, "I didn't know you like karate!"  
  
"It's just a hobby, ok?" said Remus, the tips of his ears turning slightly red. He quickly shoved 'So You Wanna Learn Karate in Ten Easy Steps?' under his seat. "Ah! Here it is!" He pulled out a book. James and Sirius craned their heads towards it (Peter had just gone off on some unknown journey), but Lupin wouldn't let them see it. "Pranks can never be revealed until they are fully thought up... and so this is Top Secret evidence at the moment. Ok?"  
  
James and Sirius looked miffed, but finally agreed. "Fine, but only because it's part of the pranksters unspoken, unwritten and unthought of code. Ok?"  
  
Peter, who had just come in, said, "But if it's all of those things, then how do you know it exists?"  
  
"That's why you were never the Prankster King of Hogwarts Wormtail," said Sirius bluntly. "It's been passed down telepathically from prankster generations of course!"  
  
"But... wouldn't that be thought of then?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "Uh... just drop it ok Peter?" he answered cleverly.  
  
"Ok, sorry," said Peter meekly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"This is all stated in your prefect letters, but to reiterate: Your main duties are too make sure that all new passwords are given to everyone in your house, keep the common room relatively quiet, patrol the corridors for trouble makers, and all around just keep things in good shape, is everybody clear on that" Everyone nodded in assent. "Alright, everyone, right now patrol the train in shifts... and all of you keep your eye on... well, you know who I'm talking about," there was a chuckle at this. It was a well known fact that James and Sirius liked to celebrate the new school year with a few presorting "celebrations" on the Hogwarts Express.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Speaking of the pranksters unspoken, unwritten and unthought of code, Mr. Padfoot and I have some... er... studying to do. If you would be so kind as to step out for a minute?"  
  
Peter grinned, and Lupin frowned slightly, though his eyes twinkled. Whenever they began referring to each other with the prefix "Mr." it was apparent that mischief was afoot. Without further ado, they excused themselves and hurried as far away from the hazardous compartment as possible.  
  
James and Sirius, still retaining their magnified air, began pulling things out of their trunks. "Mr. Prongs, despite your very last minute packing, did you remember the goods?"  
  
"How could I forget? You besmirch my integrity Mr. Padfoot!" said James, acting thoroughly injured. "Actually," he said, dropping his dignified air, "It was the only thing I packed ahead of time."  
  
"I am very pleased to hear that you have your priorities in order Mr. Prongs. Now hand them over, I learned the spell."  
  
"First let me see it... I'm not sure I trust you."  
  
Sirius then proceeded with a long and complicated spell, with many complex wand movements.  
  
"Are you sure that's the right spell?"  
  
"Of course! I looked it up in a book... from the LIBRARY."  
  
"Oh, well then it's ok."  
  
"It has some of the same individual elements as a boggart uses. It's perfect." Sirius smiled proudly. "All we have to do now is..."  
  
"JAMES POTTER AND SIRIUS BLACK, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" An irate redhead stood in the doorway of their compartment. Behind her stood Lupin, with his hands raised to indicate that he had tried to stop her. He was immediately forgiven, because it was a well known fact that when Lily was off... well, she was off.  
  
"Why nothing Evans dear, why?" James was exceedingly happy that he hadn't taken out the "goods" yet.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure. By the way, don't call me Evans, and I'M NOT YOUR DEAR!"  
  
Sirius began chuckling at the unwitting pun that Lily had made.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"You're not James' dear... Prongs... DEER! Don't you get it?" He was by then rolling on the floor, overcome with laughter. Everyone stared at the whooping figure.  
  
"Uh... Sirius, I'm going to have to agree with Evan's on this one... it's really not that funny."  
  
Sirius sat up. "Maybe not to YOU, my DEER friend, but to an extremely HOT individual such as myself, it is endlessly amusing." He was again consumed by laughter.  
  
"What on earth does being hot have to do with finding something funny Black?" Lily looked confused and repulsed at the same time.  
  
"Being HOT --Like ME-- has to do with everything of course... having perfect hair --Like ME-- doesn't hurt either... neither does a dazzling smile --Like I have--..." he looked as if he would go on for quite a while.  
  
Lily, looking revolted, stepped over Sirius and out of their compartment. She paused in the doorway, "I know you're up to something, so if I hear so much as a single explosion from the compartment... well..." And on that note she turned around with a whirl of her cloak and strode angrily away.  
  
"Good job Padfoot... I must admit that that was one of your better distractions," said Lupin, reaching out his hand to help the hysterical boy up.  
  
"Distraction? What distraction?" Sirius asked earnestly.  
  
"You know... that distraction with Lily and the joke and all."  
  
"Oh..." said Sirius. "That wasn't a distraction."  
  
"Then what was it?"  
  
"You mean YOU didn't think it was funny?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ack! It's the second chapter and they're STILL on the Hogwarts Express. Ugh. I'm sorry this is going SO slowly, but, well, I'm doing my best.  
  
Allow me to explain something about Sirius: In this chapter you may have thought he was a bit OOC from the last chapter. The reason for this is that often, and I'm sure that you've all noticed this before, is that different people have different affects on each other. With someone like Peter, Sirius might just turn a little bossier or meaner, because that's the kind of vibes Peter gives out.  
  
Anyway, read and review, you all are great! I'm hoping for another five on this chapter! Thank you all!  
  
Sorry this chapter was shorter than the last. 


	3. Good times

Huzzah! I got another five reviews on my last chapter! Butterbeers all around. I PROMISE that in this chapter they will get off of the Hogwarts Express. Thank you all!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The trip went along fairly smoothly... that is, of course, after James and Sirius had pulled their presorting prank...  
  
"Now that Madam Tiger Lily has been disposed of, shall we move along with operation BPE Mr. Prongs?"  
  
"But of course Mr. Padfoot, after you would be so kind as to enlighten me on the meaning of 'BPE'."  
  
"It means Best Prank Ever stupid... Is anyone in there?" He rapped on James' head and pretended to listen intently. "That's what I though," he declared after a moment of careful concentration.  
  
"Hey," said James, as he lobbed a chocolate frog at Sirius' head, "Don't be pretending I'm the air head Mr. 'I'm all that and a bag of chips'."  
  
"I only said that once... besides, I'm Mr. Padfoot already, thank you very much. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."  
  
"On don't worry, I don't. I pity you because that fat guy eating the doughnut over there think you are," said James, smirking.  
  
"Touché Mr. Prongs, that was some absolutely corking sparring there, but we must be getting back to our duties..." said Sirius, relapsing into their formal speech.  
  
"Ah yes, our 'studying'. Well, there are the goods Mr. Padfoot." He handed Sirius a package marked "UBER TOP SECRET STUFF!"  
  
"Sirius looked at the title. "Uber? Who says 'uber' anymore?!?"  
  
"You do you twit, you labeled the package."  
  
"Oh yeah... I'd forgotten that. Oh well." Sirius pulled a bundle of firecrackers from the package that James had given him. "Ok! Just have to recite the UBER cool spell, and Bob's your uncle, Lily's your aunt..."  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"You've never heard anyone say that before?" asked Sirius incredulously.  
"You're a strange guy Padfoot," said James, staring at him.  
  
"Birds of a feather Prongsie; why do you think I hang out with you?" said Sirius, grinning.  
  
"Just say the spell, alright?" said James impatiently.  
  
"Fine." Sirius again recited the spell he had shown James, this time waving his and over the fireworks. The glowed momentarily, then looked normal, or at least as normal as wizard firecrackers can look. James prodded a nearby one with his wand, and it immediately began shining again.  
  
"Is that supposed to happen?" asked James dubiously.  
  
"Probably. Poking it with a stick isn't gonna help it though. Come on, let's go." Taking a bag of the enchanted firecrackers each, the strolled nonchalantly through the compartments, discreetly stashing them under the seats of their unsuspecting fellow students. Though the distributed them evenly throughout three of the houses occupants, there were considerably more tucked under the seats of suspicious Slytherins.  
  
They hurried off together and hid themselves in a bathroom.  
  
"On my count then Mr. Padfoot?"  
  
"But of course, be my guest Mr. Prongs."  
  
"One... Two... Three... PRAEMIARE!"  
  
Bangs, whirs, and pops could be heard up and down the train, soon followed by screams.  
  
"Mr. Prongs, I do believe that that melodious sound will increase greatly when the looking in the mirror," said Sirius, beaming happily.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"That's IT!" yelled Lily. She furiously marched up to a nearby first year. "WHERE ARE THEY?" she yelled, nearly knocking them off their feet.  
  
"Who?" whispered the trembling student. An angry Lily could be quite a harrowing sight. With an enraged noise somewhat like a growl, Lily stalked up to a nearby rest room, and, upon hearing triumphant laughter within, kicked the door forward.  
  
"You are the LIMIT!" she yelled.  
  
"Why hello Miss Evans, how may we help you?" asked Sirius in mock politeness, barely keeping a straight face.  
  
Lily was not amused. "Just explain yourselves." she was just as furious as before, but was a bit tired due to her storming.  
  
"I'm not exactly sure what it is that you would like us to explain Evans, kindly remind me?" said James, just managing to suppress a smirk. It was kind of fun for him to watch Evans get angrier and angrier. He was surprised she hadn't exploded yet.  
  
"This!" she stated, deftly catching one of the colorful bombs that was flying buoyantly by and shoving it under their noses.  
  
"Hey that was pretty good Lily, you should be on the Quidditch team. We need a new seeker," said Sirius brightly. (a/n: I read an interview with J.K. Rowling, and she said that James was a chaser, not a seeker.)  
  
"Not if it means being on the team with gits like you. Besides, I'm sure that the GREAT James Potter could play ALL the positions at the same time if he wanted to. Anyway, stop changing the subject... EXPLAIN THESE!"  
  
"They appear to be firecrackers to me, but I'm not as adept in this area of expertise as Mr. Padfoot here is," (Sirius swelled his chest at this and placed his hand on his heart) "What else is there to explain?" James asked innocently.  
  
"I can see that I'm not going to make any progress this way. Maybe Professor Turmungulus will when you two report to his office for a three hour detention for the next week," she said coldly.  
  
James' mouth dropped open in horror, and Sirius began sputtering incoherently. Professor Turmungulus was agreed upon by all the houses -except Slytherin of course- as the cruelest teacher at Hogwards AND he was Snape's idol.  
  
"Come on Evans, how can you do this to me? You know I love you! Let's kiss and make up, huh?"  
  
"You disgust me Pothead, stay away from me." She pulled her wand from her robes to embellish the point.  
  
Suddenly, without warning, James seized Lily around the waist and kissed her full on the lips. Unfortunately, it didn't quite have the romantic effect he had hoped for. Lily, with her cheeks on fire, kicked him in the shins. "Don't you EVER come near me again, do I make myself clear?" she sputtered.  
  
"Well..." began James, trying to keep his suave facade up.  
  
"Shut it!" said Lily. She pointed her wand directly at his face. "Petrificus Totalus!"  
  
James immediately became as stiff as a board. Lily started to leave, but she changed her mind. Turning around, "Wingardium Leviosa!" She floated his feet into the toilet and leaned his body against the wall.  
  
Sirius looked impressed. "That was pretty good Evans! Why aren't you a marauder?"  
  
Lily made a disgusted sound, and with one last glance at the helpless James standing in the toilet, she walked back to her compartment.  
  
As soon as Lily was out of sight, Sirius made a move to free James. Halfway to his wand, he smiled and decided to amuse himself by experimenting with the toilet flusher instead.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I am so sorry that this took this long; I've been busy with schoolwork and such. (Aka I forgot.) I did make a VERY short LOTR parody though... Anyway, the chapter's here now, so I hope you enjoyed it! As usual, please R and R, it really brightens my day! 


	4. Of eating and eating

I'm sorry; it's been an absolutely unacceptable amount of time since I last added to this story. I hope you're all not too mad at me, I made this chapter extra special for you. AND I wrote out an entire song for the sorting hat. That's gotta be worth something, right?

As the horseless carriages wound their way towards Hogwarts, each Marauder was doing his best to entertain himself. Remus was sitting in one corner, deep in concentration in "_Fun With Fungus!_" and Peter was nowhere to be found. James was involved in a Quidditch magazine as Sirius idly flicked bits of chocolate frog wrappers at him. Finally James snapped his book shut.

"Do you think Lily's very mad at me?" he asked, looking to Lupin and Padfoot in turn.

Sirius replied with, "Mad at _us_," and Moony merely gave him a patronizing look over the edge of his book and muttered a sarcastic "Of course not."

"I mean, I know she's mad, but is she _very _mad?" Prongs asked, hoping for a negative response.

Remus simply continued to gaze at him. Sirius said "Probably!" nonchalantly as the cart halted.

"Like, from now on she'll hate me forever?"

"What do you mean, 'from now on' Prongsie?" asked Sirius as the trudged under the stars towards the castle. Remus had since given up and was walking along with his nose buried in his textbook. "She's hated you since you started harassing her in fourth year!"

"I wouldn't call it harassing per se... more of an persistent, irksome, well meant, amicable bantering-like thing. What I'm trying to say is that she is vastly overeating. I mean, she didn't even get hit with the firecracker spells because she was too busy hunting us down. _She_ didn't end up with circus face, like Wormtail."

Peter, who had appeared next to James as he spoke, said, "About that... could we not mention that for the rest of the year please?"

Sirius glanced over at him. "Glad you could join us. And you're saying that we can laugh at you for looking like a prostitute next year?"

"Uh, sure whatever. The sorting's starting. Can we be quiet?"

Professor McGonagall strode across stage, and proceeded to place the stool before the line of new students. The ripped seam opened as normal, and apart from the gasps of the first years, the room was silent.

_One day there was a group of four: _

_Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw,_

_Salazar Slytherin, and Grodic Gryffindor,_

_The need for a school was what they saw. _

_The friends gathered and built these rooms,_

_And thus this school was formed,_

_The prospect of new learning bloomed,_

_And into the building students swarmed. _

"_So many!" cried fair Hufflepuff,_

"_I cannot take them all!"_

_Someone offered to break them up,_

_It was Grodic, I recall._

_I was a normal hat one day, a head covering at most,_

_But a day came and a job was needed:_

_I was happy to cover the post,_

_(And I must say, I've succeeded!)_

_Good Hufflepuff requested those,_

_With strong hands but gentle minds,_

_For Gryffindor, the one's that show_

_Great bravery will be assigned. _

_Clever Ravenclaw was shrewd and smart,_

_And those students she suggested,_

"_Pure of blood, not mind or heart!"_

_Was all that Slytherin requested._

_Once this was done three founders were pleased,_

_And yearly put me on this stool,_

_But Slytherin was not appeased,_

_He wanted only his to come to school. _

_The friends had a fearful row,_

_And the time was very rough, _

_But they kept the school how it is now,_

_And Salazar left Hogwarts in a huff. _

_Long, long ago I was made and used,_

_But a still can decide,_

_Badger, snake, eagle or lion for you?_

_And by my rule you must abide._

_So step right up, and sit on down,_

_The sorting will then start,_

_I'll see in your mind... no need for sound!_

_Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!_

The hall exploded into applause, which died away as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and unrolled a long scroll. "Ames, Ian," rang accross the hall, and a nervous brown head of hair bobbed to the stool.

James turned to Sirius. "Ten sickles he's a Hufflepuff," challenged Prongs.

"Nah, that's definitely Ravenclaw material right there," countered Sirius, looking smugly at the first year, partially obscured by the hat.

"Slytherin for sure," said Remus softly. James and Sirius turned to gape at him.

"What are you talking about? He's just a little smidge of a runt... you could use him as a quaffle!"

"Padfoot's right, he's so cute and innocent looking... I'm going to name him mini Prongs."

Remus just shrugged as the hat yelled "Slytherin!" and Sirius and James grudgingly handed over their silver.

"I meant mini Satan, not mini Prongs," amended James at this new discovery.

"What's the difference?" asked Sirius sarcastically. "And where's the food? Man's best friend my ass. Friends don't let friends resort to eating tablecloths."

"Sirius, you ate 6 bags of every flavour beans, 4 pumpkin tarts and 17 chocolate frogs. And God knows what else you found in your pocket! How you haven't exploded yet, let alone can cram in more dinner is beyond me," said Remus.

"Yeah, be happy you're not in Azkaban, they have to eat rats there."

Peter gave a small squeak of discomfort at this tidbit of information, and concentrated very hard at the front of the room, where "Manns, Abigail," was being sorted into Hufflepuff.

For the rest of the sorting, the Marauders were fairly quiet. As soon as "Ziss, Lainy" was called and subsequently sorted, Dumbledore stood up and said, "Ah! And now that we have welcomed our new students-" he smiled at the four tables, "-I just have a few quick announcements. Firstly, Professor Glom has asked me to remind you that there are no spells performed by unauthorized students allowed in the halls. Secondly, the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to all students, hence the 'Forbidden.' I know you're all eager to eat, but let me first give you some food for thought: Shubop, bling, tack."

Sirius mumbled something about giving a starving dog a rubber bone.

"Enjoy the feast!"

"About time!" yelled Sirius, but he couldn't be heard over the din of hundreds of plates and utensils. James and Sirius immediately began attacking their food, Remus followed at a more moderate pace, and Peter looked around, trying to figure out where the food spattering him (as a result of Potter and Black's slovenly eating habits) was coming from.

At long last, Remus went to join Lily and the other prefects in assisting the new students, and the remaining three bloatedly made their way up the stairs. James and Sirius discussed Quidditch moves and Peter added helpful nods. As they sat in their room, Remus finally walked in and collapsed onto the bed. "Tired..." he mumbled.

"Hey Moony," said James loudly, as Remus winced at the noise. "Given any more thought to that super secret plot yet?"

Remus just smiled a secret smile whose meaning wasn't so secret and closed his hangings.

Been having a bit of writer's block, so this was all I can manage at the moment. Sorry, it was mostly the guys this chapter. Lots of Lily next time, I promise!!! R and R, of course.


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